For many Autistic adults, dating presents unique challenges. Understanding these struggles, developing strategies to manage these challenges and having self-confidence will give you the confidence you need to engage in dating.
The unique challenges in dating for Autistic adults like you and me start with social cures and communication.
A common challenge for those of us on the spectrum is interpreting non-verbal signals including body language and facial expressions.
Additionally, misunderstandings can be caused by our challenges expressing our emotions, which can stem from us not understanding our emotions (which is a key characteristic of alexithymia), and expressing our intentions as expressing either does not come naturally to us,
Speaking of misunderstandings, our tendency to engage in literal interpretation of language can result in missed social cues which can lead to misunderstandings
Now let’s talk about sensory overload, another challenge for many of us when it comes to dating.
When you think about dating, you may envision meeting someone in a public place, like a restaurant or a bar, going to a movie, or any other place that may have bright lights and/or loud noise. These places can cause us discomfort, especially if we experience sensory overload, which can and often do, affect social interactions.
Fear of rejection is a common fear that many people, both Autistics and Allistics, must battle when it comes to dating. Although it is not a competition, the fear of rejection is often greater for those of us on the spectrum. This is often fueled for us by past experiences of being misunderstood can lead to apprehension in initiating relationships.
One of the biggest factors that can fuel our fear of rejection is the social stereotypes that exist about Autism including prejudices about Autism that can hinder acceptance and connection.
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Strategies for successful dating starts with self-acceptance which means you first must accept that you are Autistic followed by Self-awareness.
Self-awareness means that you recognize your strengths, your challenges and understanding how Autism affects your interactions, including communication, with others.
If one of your challenges is in the area of social skills, know that you are not alone in this. A large majority, if not nearly all, individuals on the Autism spectrum experience some degree of difficulty with social skills, with studies often indicating that between 50% and 80% of Autistic people struggle significantly with social interaction and interpreting social cues.
To combat this challenge, you may wish to engage in social scenarios to build confidence. Try interacting with others just as friends to build that confidence, and seek feedback to improve interactions.
Before you go out on a date take some time to prepare and be sure to develop strategies to manage your sensory sensitivities. This can include choosing comfortable environment for dating and having a plan for sensory breaks on the date, if you need a break.
Next is open communication with your potential date or dating partner.
As well as being honest with yourself about your needs and preferences, you should be just as honest with your partner.
Discuss openly with your partner how Autism influxes your dating experience.
Be sure to set realistic expectations for yourself. Be sure to understand that relationships require effort and patience and be prepared for both successes and setbacks.
The Importance of Self-Confidence
One of the most important traits you must have to improve your chances of success when it comes to dating is self-confidence.
To increase your self-confidence, you need to build your self-esteem and that starts with engaging in activities that highlight your talents and interests and when you experience any victory in your life, even he smallest, be sure to celebrate it.
7 Another strategy to build your self-confidence for dating is for you to embrace your authenticity. When you are authentic to yourself first, you will start being your authentic self to the world. When you are authentic in the world, it will attract genuine connections.
Be sure to avoid masking behaviors that cause discomfort for yourself and for others.
An excellent way to build your self-confidence, and not just for dating, is to seek support. You can do this by joining communities that understand and support your experiences as an Autistic adult. Also, do not rule out therapy or counseling to build confidence and address challenges.
While dating presents unique challenges for Autistic adults, with self-awareness, open communication, and support, meaningful relationships are achievable. Embracing your authentic self and building self-confidence are key to navigating the dating world successfully.
